Write your Senator now!

The Honorable Paul S. Sarbanes
309 Hart Senate Office Building
Washington DC , 20510

Dear Senator Sarbanes,
As a native Marylander and excellent customer of the
Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your
assistance. I have contacted the Immigration and
Naturalization Service in an effort to determine the process
for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.

My reasons for wishing to change my status from
U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stem from the bill which was
recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted.
If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate,
as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for
five years, what I need to do to become a citizen is to pay
a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five
years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am
anxious to get the process started before everyone figures
it out.

Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have
had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect
of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine.

Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively?
This would yield an excellent result for me and my family
because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.

Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that
my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative
to her law school applications.

If you would provide me with an outline of the process
to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of
the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative.
Thank you for your assistance.

Your Loyal Constituent,
Pete McGlaughlin
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(emailed to me by a friend; checked out on Snopes)